Being up in Rangeley, and 20 below weather, the family decided to stay indoors and play a game of Life. The game of Life is FULL of choices. One of the choices you DON'T HAVE , is getting married. So, Dad gets his wife and says "Put the bitch in the back!"
It's a BIG board right?? Now let's take a closer look:
YUP! Now everyone can see. . .He tried to burn bridges.Like many people, I traveled for the holidays. I don't know if it was just because I have been sick, or what. . . .but, man. . ! I REALLY hate stupid people. Here is a list of some of the TOP ten things that made me feel like HAPPY GILMORE:
10. People letting their children run WILD around the airport - I watched a woman let her child run AROUND everyone in line at check-in, over to the counters, back through the lines, and out the automatic doors FEET away from the street - NICE
9. Not having your ID out and ready
8. Having to be reminded of the rules of security. . .Never mind that the airports are at HIGH alert (shoes off, computers out, no more than 2 oz. of liquids IN Ziploc bags. . . .COME ON people. . You DO know the drill!!)
7. Trying to redress yourself after you've gone through security at the end of the conveyor belt. . .so everyone can trip over you as they grab their things from the bins
6. RUSHING to load the plane. . .just in case your seat that you paid A LOT of money for is no longer available
5. Talking while the flight attendant is giving their speech (Come on PEOPLE! You know they don't REALLY enjoy doing it, they just have to! Be POLITE!)
4. Not turning off your cell phones, electronic devices, putting up your seat and tables for take off. REALLY people. . .Do you need to delay the take off for that?!?
3. Landing
2. People rushing off the plane to PASS you when you have been seated in front of them - If your in such a rush, why don't you choose your seats BEFORE you get on the plane??
1. Waiting for your bags at the conveyor belt, giving ample room for people to step in front of you IF they see their bags, and for STUPID people to step in front of you (yes, in that 2 foot personal space - and believe me, under my breath I say loud enough for them to hear - " Excuse you when I see my bag and WIPE you out with it as I take you out when I grab my bag off the conveyor belt)
Have you heard of this??? It is TOO funny not to share. . .I guess a spin off of Wikipedia:
I will preface with saying, I AM D.O.N.E. shopping!! Which is MORE than an accomplishment for me. . .I am one of those last minute shoppers. . .Or better yet, I am one of those AFTER the holiday sales shoppers (I usually mail my presents, so the recipients don't know the difference because I am USUALLY out of town --or out of the country). WELL, this year, I am making it home for Christmas (hurray, yipeeeee, whooohooo!!).
Although I was was not able to spend Thanksgiving with my family (or GeeGee), I was able to make it a memorable one with friends. We managed to hustle some Germans into the debauchery. They had hit me up from Couchsurfing.com the night before. They were suppose to travel to D.C. (. . . .nightmare!!), but we talked them into to gallavanting around with our posse!
Our carivan consisted of: The Germans - (really Russians), Red, Pepper, Roomie, oatmeal raisin/chocolate chip cookies, cornbread/pumpkin muffins, and CHAMPANGE
We managed to make FOUR stops that day. We had sooo much fun, I could hardly stand (myself) the next day. Below are some pictures from the day:
So, this weekend, I decided would be a good time to decorate for the holidays (and no, I am not crazy). I actually have NEVER had a tree at my house, and barely decorate. I am usually away for the holidays, and am not around to attend to, or enjoy the decorations. I was feeling inspired to decorate this weekend since my roommate was home, and GeeGee was around. He is leaving town, and I am leaving town, so this was a good time for us to decorate together. . . .You know, the holiday spirit thing. . . .
GeeGee was also feeling inspired. He decided he wanted to decorate the OUTSIDE of the house (something that did not even cross my mind). As he was deciding the layout of the lights, and what we would need to purchase to complete the layout, I reminded him that if he put the lights up, he was going to have to take them down. He tried to convince me that it was okay to keep the lights up, if you could hide the lights well enough so you wouldn't really see them unless they were lit.
Needless to say. . .NO WAY was that an option.
Aklet: You can add this to my pet peeves - Keeping up your holiday decorations PAST celebration time.
On that note, I will say, that although my decorations are up early, they are not allowed to be lit up until after Thanksgiving. . .This was the only time I could get the roomies together for the decorating event before the holidays.
Dad says he has a problem. . . .He's a workaholic! Everytime he thinks about working, he wants a drink! Man, it is amazing how many habits run in the family. . . .
So, my dad just had some surgery. . . He HAD (past tense) prostate cancer, and it recovering in the ICU now. He has and will have a catheter for a couple of weeks.
So, dad. . . .being dad. . . .looks down as his urine bag. . .and the 1 inch diameter tube that runs from the urine bag, to under his hospital nighty. . . .He says, "JESUS! That thing is up my penis?? I think they put the wrong one in! That one is for a black man!! It's too BIG for mine!"
Needless to say, he hasn't lost his humor. . .
I really DO wonder about people and were they have learned to BE and ACT stupid. . .REALLY!?! I made a previous post on my adventures at work -- Breaking the LAW
Here is another list of a typical day at Buddy's, surrounded by RETARDED people. This ALL happened in ONE shift:
I love my second job!!!
Did anyone see Oprah yesterday?? I have to say, it was actually a great show. It was all about exercising the right to vote. Chris Daughltry was on there with his band, and it was all about a "voting celebration". The thing that I liked the most about it was, is that is wasn't about politics, or the candidates. . .It was just about us, the American people, having the right to vote. I have to say, it made me a little emotional, mostly because I FINALLY decided to exercise my right! I have never really educated myself on an election enough to make an educated vote, up until now. . . .
Yes. I am openly admitting. . .
This was the first time I have chosen to vote. So, now I have the right to complain, right??
Do you ever have days were EVERYTHING seems to go wrong. . .. .??? Where you question yourself aloud, asking "Where did these people come from??" Well, I had one of those days. This is where it began going wrong:
I got home from work, and walked around the house to put something in the shed. When I came back, I walked into the house, and realized I was tracking mud into the house. . .ALL over the kitchen floor and carpet. . . I realized next, that it was not mud. . .It was dog doo. . .
(side note: Any suggetions for greeting my new neighbors with some plastic bags to pick up their dog sh**???). After I scrubbed the carpet, and mopped the floor, I started thinking about how to address this issue with my neighbors.
I got a phone call the other day, that caused a SERIOUS flashback of a FREAK OUT!! Jules called me, with a concern of an abundance of flies found in her windows. She asked me if I had the same problem. . .Which brought me to my flashback:
One day last Fall, I noticed a numerous amount of flies in my windows. I gingerly lifted up my window shades, and started SWATTING away vigorously!! I hopped from window to window, killing flies!! By the time I got through swatting at ALL the living room windows, and ALL the kitchen windows, I noticed that the flies just seemed to magically multiply. THE WINDOWS WERE FILLED BACK UP. Frustrated and annoyed, several thoughts went through my head: Is there something DEAD under my house? Are there maggots somewhere? Is there a window OPEN somewhere?? What the HELL is going on???? The next day, I came home and began swatting away again. It wasn't working. . . The flies were just coming BACK! Time for plan B! I pulled out the vacuum cleaner, and started vacuuming up the live (and dead) flies from the windows.
Eventually, plan B worked. My problem was no longer the flies in the windows (which I STILL don't know what caused it) - It was the abundance of fly GUTS all over the inside of my windows.
Moral of this story - Jules: I have NO idea, but use a vacuum.
You know how you can tell some things about a person based on their music taste. . .Or even, based on what music they have in their car???
Okay. . . So, my GeeGee is out of town, and I have been using his vehicle sporadically. I was listening to the radio, and decided to switch to see what CDs were in his stereo system. Below I have made a list. . . .His disc holder holds SIX. Guess which SIX were in his car (some were doubles. . .):
1. Timberland
2. Chris Cornell
3. Ben Harper (2 discs)
4. Rihanna
5. Jason Mraz (2 discs)
6. AC/DC
7. Dianna Ross
8. Jack Johnson
Did you guess?? What do you think this means about my man????
You know how sometimes weird things happen? For instance, a couple months ago, I was in my car. I was getting out, and lifted my arm (to get my purse adjusted correctly for my exit). . . .When I did, my knuckles skimmed across my CD case on my visor and SLICED me like a knife. It was a NICE BIG slice of skin hanging from my hand, bleeding. . .. Kind of weird and freakish, right???
Well, yesterday, another weird accident happened (where I got hurt). I was dragging (or pulling) a BIG cart (our school laptop cart), into the doorway. I had borrowed the teacher's room key to unlock the door (because the class was not there. . .yes, I was early for once!). As I pulled in the cart, the key that was still in the door knob, sliced my finger. It was kind of like stubbing your little toe, to the point where you wish you could just cut it off because it hurts soooooooo bad. . .except, there wasn't just pain, there was blood too!! I sliced my finger from my cuticle down to my first knuckle.
I got an email from that teacher later. I bent her key. . . .
Yesterday, I went for a bike ride with one of my friends. We headed up to the park to hit a few trails. On our bike ride, we ran into the Navy Seal Team on one of the trails. It was like we were being run over by a HERD! We laughed about being "run off the road" and carried on. . .
As we were leaving the park, we got to the downward sidewalk, and a man was jogging up the sidewalk. . . My girlfriend was in front of me, and as she passed the jogger, she "slipped" a little, but was able to regain control of her bike. I, on the other hand, passed the jogger, and lost ALL control of my bike, and skid out. I managed to ONLY tear up my knee a little bit. . ..
My girlfriend stopped to see if I was alright, and the jogger stopped and helped me pick up my pieces (sunglasses, water bottle. . .). It was quite embarrassing, if I must say so myself. . . .I can hear the jogger dude now: "Man, I was jogging today, and this girl was checking me out! I even made her wipe out! Christ, I almost made TWO girls wipe out!"
The most embarrassing thing: He was NO Matthew McConaughey!!
NOTE: The following may contain graphic content, especially if you are sensitive to the killing and eating of animals.
I was fortunate enough to be asked by Red, to attend a family Pig Roast (fortunate meaning, she thought that I was appropriate enough to bring around her family). Our adventure started Friday on our drive to KEEENNNTUUCCCKKYYYY!! Once we arrived (10 hours later), I was able to witness the process of a pig roast. Red's mom was the director of the activities:
1st was the killing of the pig - ONE shot to the head (well, it was suppose to be one. . it took four)
2nd was the beheading of the pig (I bet you are thankful that there are no pictures at this point). This was done with nothing but a pocket knife (The small knife allows for minimal error. You want to be sure not to cut any of the inside system.)
3rd was the draining of the blood
4th was the scrapping of the hair - This was done with boiling water and knives
5th was the gutting (at least at GeeGee's lamb roast, we didn't have to do ANY of this)
This was done by hanging the pig from the Kuboto, and letting farmer Fred take care of business (he gave us a VERY descriptive summary of how he "kept all the system parts together" in order to not "pollute" the meat - I actually did NOT witness this part)
6th Next, they rinsed out the pig, and stuffed it with fresh herbs, pears, and onions
This is when the girls opted for a photo!!
AWAY from the PIG
7th Now, it was time for the pig to be sewed back up. . . .
and time for me to get another adult beverage!
8th The pig was now ready to be wrapped in chicken wire, and put on the handmade smoker (Thanks Dave, for the perfected design!!)
9th After TWELVE sleepless hours of keeping the smoker at 250 degrees (of course, this sleepless was NOT referring to me. . .), the pig was ready to be removed from the smoker and prepared for EATING
And yes, THEY did. . . .This image was created by copying and pasting my previous post into Wordle. The words that come up MOST are bigger and bolder:
On top of the violations, I had several customers wanting to get the "2 for 1" meal for themselves (so they could order FOUR eggs, TWO sides of meat, TWO sides of bread, and TWO sides of hash browns - and throw away half of it, because it is TOO much food). Not to mention, these people stereotypically do not tip accordingly. I also had a person call in a to-go order for a 2 for 1 meal - NOT HAPPENING
People. . . ???? What are you smoking??
So, some of you may remember me writing a blog at the end of July titled, Intolerances. It was about my adventures to the farmer's market, where I stumbled upon a lady who was VERY rude to one of the ladies at the stand.
Today, I ventured to the stand (since it is WAY cheaper than buying the produce at the grocery store, and you are supporting your local farmers. . .no matter what language they speak). Anyway, as I approached the market, there was one HUGE stand with the largest tent (Washington Redskins tent) at the market. As I approached the stand, admiring the produce, I recognized the same Spanish speaking lady behind the stand. She was helping two other people of Spanish decent learn how to communicate and work the counter for customers. I caught her eye, and I could tell she recognized me! I remembered part of the conversion earlier this Summer:
The mean woman continued to harass the lady behind the counter.
mean woman: Did you farm these (pointing at the potatoes)? You're not the farmer!! Say "weigh". . . . How much is the corn?
By the looks of the stand today, it looks like my little Spanish friend did just fine this Summer. First of all, she probably WAS the farmer (grew, picked, packed, displayed and sold her produce). Second of all, she seemed to be doing just well by greeting customers with her friendly smile and ability to communicate a sale or two. I sure hope that mean woman comes back to the stand and sees how well her friend (that doesn't belong here, because she does not know the English language perfect) is doing. . . .How do you say "bite it b**ch" in Spanish??
Sorry Folks!
I have been running around like a chicken with his head chopped off since school started. . . .I'm sure I will have some material (and stuff to catch you up on from the end of the Summer) to work with soon!!
I went over to my good friend, C-Note's, last night. We played our tradition game of Cribbage. . . .And I traditionally kicked his butt (I actually skunked him!). The board we played on was a little unusual:
So, I was at the DD this morning in Biddeford, Maine. I got to my car, and couldn't resist! I had to take a picture. . .It made me chuckle!!
So, I went to my Nana's again the other day. . . .I helped her with some cleaning she could not do on her own. I got up on a ladder and helped her clean all the dead bugs and cob webs off of the lights. Needless to say, this project only took a half-hour, so I decided to tackle another project:I started with taking EVERYTHING off the top of them and putting them on the table. It consisted of loose recipes, recipe books, magazines, and keep sake materials from her children and grandchildren. I was there for NINE HOURS. I had a great time talking and finding cool old things. . .dating back to the early 1900's. . .. HOW COOL??? In the end, this is what her shelves looked like:
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